


Written in the scars on our hearts

by smaragdbird



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:55:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25513156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: Jake finds out the hard way that saving the world does not equal happily ever after.If only Nate was less stubborn and Jake better at being sincere they could have their grand kiss while the screen fades to black.
Relationships: Nate Lambert/Jake Pentecost
Comments: 2
Kudos: 86
Collections: Rare Male Slash Exchange 2020





	Written in the scars on our hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Requiem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Requiem/gifts).



The aftermath of saving the world was a lot more complicated than Jake had expected. By the time the helicopters arrived to pick him and Amara from the foot of Mount Fuji he was cold, hungry and exhausted. Not to mention that every bruise and scrape clamoured for attention all at once and his headache felt like it was going to split his brain apart.

Therefore, when during the flight to Nagoya, the closest city with working electricity right now that was not overwhelmed by the casualties from the battle, he was approached about some paperwork, Jake snapped, “Why don’t you ask Nate?”

The PPDC officer exchanged a glance with another and said, “Ranger Lambert is in hospital.”

Jake felt as if someone had pulled the floor out from under his feet. 

“What? No, I talked to him half an hour ago, he was fine”, Jake replied, his first instinct being denial. Amara’s hand found his and squeezed tightly.

The two officers exchanged another glance. “Sorry sir, that’s all we know.”

Jake took a deep breath and held out his free hand for the tablet the officer had wanted him to sign. “What do you need from me?”

As soon as they landed in Nagoya, the others cadets swarmed around Amara with Jinhai and Vik first in line and Renata and Ryoichi right behind them. Jake saw Ilya stand a little apart from them and went to him.

“You okay?” Jake asked, despite knowing he was not. 

“Yeah”, Ilya replied, tears in his eyes. 

“Listen, what happened was not your fault. Or Suresh’s.”

“We charged in against orders”, Ilya replied, the first tears running down his cheeks. Jake didn’t hesitate pulling him into a hug. It had been his idea to send the kids into battle and they all paid the price for it.

“It’s not your fault”, he repeated as he let Ilya cry against his chest. “Blame the Kaiju, blame Newt, blame the fucking Precursors for wanting to invade our home but not you. You understand?”

Ilya nodded, his face tearstained and blotchy, but he nodded. Jake clasped him on the shoulder and then pushed him in the direction of the other kids who immediately drew him into their circle. It was good that they had each other, Jake thought as he watched them. 

With a heavy heart he turned towards the reception and waited until he could catch a nurse between the constantly ringing phones and other worried people asking for their loved ones. 

“I’m here for Nate Lambert”, he said.

“Are you family?” She asked, barely sparing him a glance as she simultaneously handed another nurse a printout who hurried off with it and listened to whoever she was speaking on the phone with.

“I’m his co-pilot”, Jake answered.

This time she looked at him properly, saw his suit and type something in the computer. “He’s still in surgery. Please go to the waiting room.”

With that clear dismissal, Jake collected the kids and offered to let them fly back to Moyulan while he waited but they all refused. Everyone had scrapes and bruises from the battle and eventually Jake managed to flag down a nurse to take a look at Ilya’s headwound but otherwise they sat and waited.

Amara nodded off against Jinhai’s shoulder, something Jake took a picture off before sending it to Jules with an update on the situation or lack thereof. Yet when he looked at the clock only an hour had passed. 

By the tow hour mark, a doctor came in and asked, “Nate Lambert?”

In an instant they were all awake. 

Jake approached her first. “How is he?”

She looked at him and checked her notes. “You’re his drift partner, yes?”

“We’re his family”, Vik said in a tone that didn’t leave room for arguments.

The doctor explained the surgery and outlook for Nate, the gist of which was that he would be okay if he followed all the rules of recovery, and that they could go and see him.

Even Ilya managed something like a smile during the news.

The doctor looked a little exasperated but there was no question that all seven of them would go and visit Nate together. 

/

“We need to talk about your definition of ‘fine’”, was the first thing Jake said when he entered Nate’s room, followed by the cadets who fanned out around the edges of the room.

“You’re welcome”, Nate replied. He looked even paler than usual and was covered in bandages and plaster with an IV line in his arm. 

Jake hated hospitals.

“For what? You almost bleeding to death and robbing the world of your pretty face? I don’t think so.”

He could see Nate’s eyelids flutter with irritation as he exhaled slowly. He had already done that when they had still been cadets. “Newt would’ve escaped.”

“And you were the only person in the entirety of Tokyo who could apprehend him”, sarcasm was dripping from Jake’s lips. “And now I’m stuck with your paperwork.”

“I see.”

Did he? Jake doubted that. “I mean it, they approached me with paperwork not even 30 minutes after I’ve saved the world.”

Amara cleared her throat.

“After we saved the world”, Jake corrected. 

“I’m on bed rest for the next six weeks, so you can send all the paperwork they try to give you my way.”

“You bet I will”, Jake said despite having no intention to. Nate looked like death warmed over, the hell he was going to let him do anything more strenuous than eating and sleeping.

Having said his piece, Jake stepped out in the halfway to call Jules and let her know that Nate was going to be okay and could return to Moyulan in a week or so if they managed to get the infirmary up and running.

Jules told him she would make it top priority and to give Nate her love.

Jake said that he would and hung up. He leaned back and rested his head against the wall, wondering what all of this would mean for him and Nate. He had made his interest pretty clear but Nate…Nate was about as easy to read as a rock, even in the Drift. He had brought almost nothing into the drift, a few memories, a handful of superficial emotions but nothing that would’ve told Jake how Nate truly felt about anything.

It didn’t used to be like that but then again eleven years were a long time. That they were still drift-compatible at all was a minor miracle. 

Jake shook his head, spared one wistful thought to his old life in America, and returned to the room.

/

As it turned out, keeping Nate from doing all the paperwork proved impossible because with the death of Marshall Kwan, Nate was actually the highest ranking PPDC officer at Moyulan. 

Jules, as the highest-ranking J-technician, oversaw the repairs and Amara pulled double-duty as a jaeger pilot and building something from nothing but scraps. 

Jake, while having accepted that he wasn’t returning to his old life any time soon or perhaps ever, nonetheless made use of his skills and connections as a smuggler to get them the parts that they needed.

As a result, Moyulan fared better than most of the other shatterdomes that had been destroyed in the drone insurgence although Li Wen did her best to help.

As well as his professional life went, his personal life was a bit of a mess because Nate – 

“ – is a stubborn ass who doesn’t know his limits until it will kill him”, Jake ended his rant that had been spurred on by Nate deciding that using a wheel chair was the same as staying in bed. 

He stared at Amara who nodded with big eyes. “Did you talk to him?”

“Yes”, Jake replied, crossing his arms over his chest. He had teased Nate if he knew the definition of ‘taking it easy’ to which Nate had answered that Jake was the right person to teach him before taking off in the other direction.

Amara looked sceptical. “With actual words?”

“Yes.”

“Without teasing him?”

Jake opened his mouth, hesitated, closed it and let his shoulders slump. “No. Look, Nate knows when I make a joke.”

Amara looked even more sceptical and seemed about to say something when Jules sat down next to her.

“You need to talk to Nate.”

“I just did!” Jake protested. 

“With actual words I mean”, Jules replied. “You can’t just rely on the Drift.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “I know. Not that I could even if I wanted to. Nate barely brings anything into the Drift, I couldn’t tell you his favourite colour, much less what he’s feeling.”

“Well, then talk to him”, Jules said as if that was the easiest thing in the world. Had she even met Nate? When Jake said as much, she huffed. “You knew him before he became like this. Don’t tell me you could hold your record now.”

Four hours of drifting with Nate uninterruptedly? It’d be like running through the ruin of what had once been a lavish palace.

Jake shook his head.

“Alternatively, just get him drunk, he’s a light weight”, Jules added. 

“You’ve seen Ranger Lambert drunk?” Amara asked excitedly.

“Just once after Burke left him. It wasn’t pretty.”

“Oh”, Amara replied, all excitement gone. 

Burke was a whole other can of worms that Jake wasn’t even sure how to approach but perhaps he needed to tackle one can at a time. Maybe Nate could put Burke on the same shelf where Jake kept his father, another relationship that had ended nastily and where death had denied him any closure.

“Do you know where he is?” Jake asked.

“Probably his room. He’s trying to get as many jaeger’s as possible as an honour guard for Suresh’s funeral”, Amara said. 

Jake knew that this was something that was important to the cadets but he hadn’t asked why yet. 

/

“I want us to drift again like we used to”, Jake announced as he walked into Nate’s room unannounced. Nate had a habit of leaving his door ajar so Jake had taken advantage of that, although he closed it behind him. He wanted to have this conversation without any interruptions.

“What?” Nate frowned as he turned his wheel chair around. There was layer of sweat on his face and his hunched position alarmed Jake.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine”; Nate replied. “There’s nothing wrong with our Drift, Jake.”

“It’s not like it used to be”, Jake argued. There was something wrong with Nate but he couldn’t pinpoint what is was.

“Of course not. We’re not sixteen anymore.”

“I know but I want that back and I know we can do it. There’s a reason we’re drift compatible even after all this time.” Jake frowned at Nate’s posture. Sitting like this couldn’t be comfortable. 

“Barely drift compatible you mean”, Nate pointed out.

“We’ve been getting better”, Jake replied, glancing around the room until his eyes landed on the box of pain killers Nate had been described. “Are you not taking your medication?”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit, you look almost as bad as you did straight after surgery.” Jake got up, went to the bathroom to get a glass of water and handed it to Nate together with the painkillers.

Nate set both on his desk. “I can take care of myself, Jake.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Why bother? You’re going to leave one way or another.”

“What do you even mean?”

“We both know you don’t want to be here. And even if you changed your mind, Amara is your drift partner now”, Nate said without looking at Jake.

“What? No. No!” Jake stood in front of Nate. “Look at me. You’re my drift partner, Amara got her own ones. I’m not fucking leaving. And you need to take your fucking painkillers because clearly, you’re not thinking straight. I come here to talk with you about us drifting deeper again and you somehow think I’m fucking leaving? What the hell, Nate?”

Nate finally looked up at him and looked like he wanted to talk but didn’t know how to. Jake wasn’t used to that. Nate had always been taller than him even as teenagers. He sat down on the bed and held out his hand. 

“Look, I’m not leaving, I promise.” He wanted to make a joke about his dad not being here to kick him out but he didn’t. Nate didn’t seem to understand his jokes anymore. 

“You could, if you wanted to.” Nate was looking very intently at a spot just to the right of Jake’s head.

“I don’t want to, that’s the point.” Jake held his hand a little closer to Nate. “As long as you want me here.”

“I do.” For a brief moment, Nate glanced at him but averted his eyes again just as quickly. “Jake, I…I trust you. I want to trust you”, he corrected himself and took Jake’s hand. “It might take some time.”

“Well, we’re not drifting until the doctor clears you”, Jake replied, holding on tightly. “And now you’re going to take your medication, lie down and I’ll tell you about the epic quest I had to undertake to acquire siracha sauce. How does that sound?”

Nate gave him a wobbly smile. “It sounds like a plan.”


End file.
